Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
