i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
