im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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