my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize