no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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