My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
