youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
