making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
