I smell stomach acid.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
