I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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