Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
