Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Is Oprah even human
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
