How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
