She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
