i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
