sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
