Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
