remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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