The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
