I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
How does one acquire holy water?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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