is your mom at the bar?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
