My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
