I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
