I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
