just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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