During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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