i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
