for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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