Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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