It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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