I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
