It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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