I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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