I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
