Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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