She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
