This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
