i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
