Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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