i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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