Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I had to cum in my sink.
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