She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
