Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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