it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
