yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
