he was CRYING into my vagina
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
