I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
