So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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