just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
