i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
