Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
