So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
