You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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