I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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