thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
