I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
