I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
