i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
