College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
