Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
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Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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