You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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