i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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