My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
