so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
