Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
