You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
