I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
