Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
