Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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