My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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