I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
two words...techno handjob
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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