and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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