this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
