my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
