i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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