Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
