no, he came in my armpit
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
