This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
