the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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