i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
