Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
