Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
