We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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