i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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