I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize