I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
