He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
