Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
