I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
