All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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