You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
